I let my son play computer games for three hours today so I could work on a blog about raising him and not be bothered.
My son is the only child in the world I have patience for. The older I get the more I hate screaming babies and teenagers.
I’m only 25.
I’ve been doing kegels since I was 16 and learned that squeezing those muscles make a better fake orgasm. Sadly, they still haven’t worked as well as I hoped after giving birth and recovery.
When I was pregnant, people used to touch my belly and ask when I was due. At first I answered nicely, but then I got tired of it and started saying, ‘Damn it, I’m not pregnant. My boyfriend told me I looked good this morning!’
I used to travel all over the world to exotic destinations for work and gave it up to be a stay at home mom. I remind my husband, a little too often, that I gave up the world for this crap.
I recently had to remove a roach from the mouth of my 8-month-old. Not the insect kind.
My roommate never spends time with her 4yo and always tells her to watch shows on the iPad. The days I watch her we go to the park for adventures and now she calls me mom…I don’t mind it.
I tell my 6-year-old son that the only time the ice cream truck plays music is when it’s sold out.
I love my son and my husband, but I stay up after they’ve gone to bed, even if I’m exhausted, just so I can enjoy the silence in my house for as long as possible.
Last night I went out with my two sisters-in-law and got drunk. Today my 3 kids are a sticky mess and the house looks like a bomb went off. And we couldn’t be happier!